Being a New Dad

Monday morning at about 9am, my wife gave birth to our first child. A little healthy boy. Obviously, I'm not going to talk about how to be a dad, or my "vast" experience at being a dad, after only being one for a few days. That would go completely against what I write about and stand for. What I am going to do is address some of the things that I was told I would think and feel before my son was born, and how almost none of them were true.

First of all, I need to tell you where I was coming from to give a bit more context to what I'm talking about. I am not a baby person. I love kids, and I've always wanted a family, but babies aren't my thing. I didn't think they were cute, looked special in any way, and they aren't as fun as older kids. All they do is eat, sleep, poop, and cry. I did my homework though, and got as prepared as I think anyone can be who has never had kids before. I learned all about caring for newborns, what the birth process is like, and generally what newborn babies are like. I also obviously knew my life was going to change some, but not much. Especially while he was a baby. I simply couldn't fathom why parents kept giving me these weird looks, and treating me like I was an idiot for saying that. So far though, I've been right.

That Special Moment:
The first thing everyone said was, "Oh theres no moment like when your child is born." That statement is true, but not for the reasons everyone always told me. Katie had 38ish hours worth of labor, plus another hour worth of pushing. By the time he came out, there really was no moment like it. It was finally over, and we could rest a bit. We were both exhausted. She chose to stay natural for as long as possible, and didn't get an epidural till the 35 hour mark. Plus, I supported her the whole time. Walking with her, staying awake to give her back rubs, and other supporting things, so I wasn't just hanging out doing nothing. When he was born, it was finally food and nap time. That's not to say that I didn't feel any emotions inside. I was definitely in awe of what had just happened, and perhaps as time goes on, I'll look back and really only remember that. For now though, It was much more of a feeling of relief than anything else.

Your Baby Will Be Different:
Everyone told me that I'd change my tune about babies after I had my own. That he would be cute, look special, and that I could finally see family resemblance in a baby. None of that is true for me. He isn't really all that cute, he doesn't look very special to me, and if you put him in a line up with other babies, I couldn't tell you which one he was. I couldn't even figure it out when I went to look at him in the nursery at the hospital. Babies look like babies. They are small, smuooshy, wrinkly little creatures, with no real distinguishing features. Everyone that says he looks like me or his mom, or some other family relative doesn't make any sense to me. I think they are just seeing what they want to see.

I still don't really like babies all that much. He's no different than any other baby. He still just eats, sleeps, poops, and cries. I do tolerate it a bit better though because he's my own baby, and don't think I don't love him. I do love him, and feel very attached to him. He just hasn't changed my mind about babies. I'm still looking forward a lot more to his older years, than I am his first couple.

Life is Going to be sooooo Different:
Obviously your life is forever changed after you have a kid. You should grow up, get your priorities straight, and become a responsible adult. You'll be getting less sleep for awhile, going out less, and your friend group will change to being mostly people who have kids. The thing is, that is how our life is right now anyway. So having a kid doesn't make it all that different. I've always acted 10 or 15 years older than my age. I got married because I wanted a family, and enjoy responsibility. That's not to say that I don't love my wife. I do, and she is the most important thing in my life. That wasn't the only reason I married her though. I'm already a responsible adult with my priorities straight. We don't have much debt, and are paying off what we have. We live within our means, save as much money as possible, and don't make snappy decisions unless we absolutely have to. We understand that life has consequences, and that it is our job to raise our child to be the best that he can be. I don't sleep more than 5 or 6 hours a night anyway, and can function perfectly fine on 4 hours for weeks at a time. Finally, My wife and I are the youngest in our friend group. We like older people that are more responsible, and as a result almost all of our friends have kids, or are currently pregnant.

Maybe all of that is hard for a lot of people, but like I said not for us. My wife will have trouble with the sleeping part, but otherwise the only difference for us is actually having a baby. Even though it is a change to have a baby, newborns are pretty low maintenance. For awhile they don't have as many diapers, and you just need to show them some love and attention. That does change of course, but you have a chance to learn what to do first.

Your Relationship With Your Wife Will Change:
Of course it will change a bit. We have a new family member who will demand our attention and care, and so sometimes it will take away from the time we give each other. We both knew that, and have had conversations about how to handle it. Our relationship however will remain largely the same. Our child is important, but if it wasn't for us he wouldn't be here. We agreed that we were a bigger priority than he was. Not in the sense that we won't take care of him, or will be selfish, but that our relationship to each other is more important than our relationship to him. We are still going to have date night once a week, maintain our love life, and keep talking to each other like adults.




Conclusion:
So that's how its been for me. Has this been an experience? Absolutely. Will I do it again? Probably. I don't know if I'll feel different in the future. Having this baby could warm my heart to future babies, and as I get older I may forget about a lot of the more negative aspects of this experience and focus only on the feelings I had and the fond memories of my child. Whatever the case is, this is how it is for me right now.